When Normal Warriors Gets Boring
by Amber Inksoul
Summary: When normal clan life becomes a bore for most of Starclan, they put together a plan to make clan life much more interesting... not to mention RANDOM! I accept OC requests, if you want your OC in the story. So buckle your bananananana belts (YES YOU HEARD ME) and prepare for the most random story in the history of stories... things are about to get interesting. ON HIATUS
1. Prologue

Hey! As you've probably guessed by the incredibly stupid title, this story is just random craziness. It's designed not to be serious, but to make you laugh. Certainly some of the names (Like DrumOnMyBumFur) I hope are funny.

I accept OC requests, but one per person please and give me the descriptions too. The names for your personal OC must be strange, and if you don't stay active and tell me what kind of things they should do, then I will kill of the OC (if necessary).

These kind of things are hilarious to write about. I think this classes as a Randomfic. Or a Trollfic. Whatever. This isn't meant to sound serious or at all like warriors actually. Just a bit of fun, which might get a little out of control… Weird stuff's about to happen…

PROLOGUE  
"Ugh." Spottedleaf spat, disgusted, "I'm so TIRED of this boring life. Watching over these booooring cats with their boooooring lives and even more BOOOOOOOOOOORING names."

Yellowfang nodded, "I know. Do the medicine cats agree?"

Cinderpelt, Flametail (who still suffers from hyperthermia), Barface and a dozen over medicine cats from like a billion million jillion (and other numbers to make up) years nodded. Sick and tired of watching over countless generations of clueless medicine cats.

"But how do we make life better?" Cinderpelt asked, blue eyes glinting like glinting stuff.

"Ah!" Barkface exclaimed, inspired, "How about we tell them to be random for evermore at the Moonpool next quarter-moon?"

Spottedleaf giggled, and Yellowfang dismissed the idea with a swipe of her grey paw, "Lame. I got a better idea. Listen up."

Every cat leaned in.

"So." Yellowfang began, "We send out four delightful little minions with mind powers. They'll convince the cats to be more random."

Flametail snorted, "Yeah! Wait… Who are the minions?"

Spottedleaf grinned evilly, "You'll find out soon enough."

"Okay." Barkface said, "lets go prep the minions"


	2. Chapter 1- How to make MEAT of a clan :D

Chapter One

"HEY THEREEE!" A voice singsonged, waking up the entire clan.

"Ugh." Leafpool said, emerging from her den. She felt strange when she looked at the intruder. As If her mind was being flipped over and tampered with. The cat was blue-grey, with large silver paws and piercing blue eyes that pierced your eyes like a piercer was piercing them (SORRY I HAD TO).

Then the eyes turned pink. Pink? Why pink? Now their purple. Now orange. Soon every single colour in the rainbow had flashed through his eyes. The young medicine cat had moved closer now, and so had most of the clan. In a trance, they all stared at the intruder Firestar moved out of his den.

"Hey what the… ahh…" Soon he joined the entranced cats. Leafpool felt a feeling of craziness and insanity take over her mind. It left the old, sensible and wise Leafpool behind and replaced it with a mad cat that would never feel the same again. The medicine cat broke away from the grey cat's gaze, feeling like she was full of helium.

"HEY!" She trilled back, "I'm Leafpool. No. Leafpoop!"

"HI!" The cat replied, "I'm AWESOMEPAW. BUT, NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE MYSELF A WARRIOR. IM AWESOMEPIE. NOW IM AWESOMESTAR. I'M THE NEW LEADER OF THUNDERCLAN. BUT, NOW WE'RE GOING TO BE CALLED HAMCLAN. K?"

Firestar opened his mouth to object, but then thought better of it and nodded, "yeah sure. Can I be deputy then?"

"NO." Awesomestar answered.

"But then…"

"My deputy will be Uglyface, my son." The most hideous looking cat anybody had ever seen stepped from behind Rainwhisker. His eyes were bloodshot, his teeth were blunt, his brown fur spiked up as if it had a mind of its own, his paw was twisted and he had a stumpy tail.

"Yay!" Uglyface screeched. His voice sounded like nails down a blackboard. Well, HamClan was new. New leader,2 deputy and name. A few cats decided to change their names like Leafpoop.

"I'm Sorrelspoon." Sorreltail said.

"I'm Rainknife." Rainwhisker tagged along jokily.

Sootfur magically was reincarnated.

"Hey."

"WOOOOOOOOAHHHHH" Sorrelspoon gasped. As did Rainknife.

"I'm Sootfork. Mumsies would be proud of our cutlery family."

Willowpelt's ghost appeared, _"Nah. Tis Terrible."_ She said, before drifting off.

 _"_ _Drift. Drifty. Driftier."_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Over In RiverClan~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What is your business here?" Leopardstar turned towards the smoky grey tomcat that had just entered the clan flanked by a million bunny rabbits, who were now all in the fresh kill pile.

"I'M HERE TO MAKE YOUR LIVES A TON BETTER! I'M BUNNYFUN. NOW IM BUNNYSTAR, YOUR LEADER." Leopardstar looked away, but soon was hypnotised as well as the rest of the clan.

"Yeah sure. I'll be the…"

"ON NO YA DON'T!" Bunnystar shouted, "My mate, NoNameToBeHad, is the new deputy of Riverclan. Riverclan will now be known as BeefClan. Okay?"

"Um." Leopardstar replied, half way between hypnotised and real. Bunnystar continued to entrance her. In the end, the unusually spotted she-cat gave in.

"Sure!" She mewled.

"C'mon." NoNameToBeHad said, "I'll take Mistyfoot, Reedwhisker, and Rippletail on the new patrol- the kill patrol."

"No don't." Leopardstar began…

Three Hundered Million Hours Later…

"We're back!" NoNameToBeHad returned with a dozen dead animals, including a sheep. Mistyfoot carried a dead twoleg.

"Lets eat!" Bunnystar screeched.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" A random kit wailed.

Another joined in, "YUCKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

The last of the three whined, "UGHH UGH UGH UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"WHO IN STARCLAN IS THAT?" Leopardstar asked in disgust.

"Oh." NoNameToBeHad answered cheerfully, "My three kits, Ewwkit, Yuckykit and Ughkit."

"And why did you call them that?" Mistyfoot asked.

"No reason." NoNameToBeHad replied cheerfully.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" Ewwkit screamed, the whole clan pausing to digest her speech. Yuckykit joined in.

"YUCKYYUCKYYUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

Ughkit just looked at them both, "Ugh." She said, before storming off.

Leopardstar looked really annoyed, "Why the HECK did you have to call them that?"

"It's what my grandfather, Disgustingclaw, would have wanted.

-In ShadowClan-"I say these words before ugh something do to… no wait to do with Starry clams."

Blackstar *Facepaw*, "No, SecondRussetfurStar, it's StarClan."

SecondRussetfurStar looked up at him through gleaming eyes. "Oh ya. I say these words before StarClan. So my… Um… Bros may hear this choice and… Umm…."

Three different cats including Blackstar: *Facepalm*

"No, SecondRussetfurStar sweetheart, its warrior ancestors." Blackstar said, patiently.

"Ok." SecondRussetfurStar said, "So my warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. Ivypaw, from now on you will be known as Ivyfluffypuffyfur. Now SIT YOUR STUPID VIGIL. Thankyou and goodnight, BaconClan"

All the cats in the clan: *FACEPALM*

"That is a horrible name!" Rovanclaw called out furiously. Whoops. SecondRussetFurStar had forgotten to hypnotise all the rest. She'd only entranced Blackstar, and that hadn't taken much work. His love for Russetfur was clear. He loved SecondRussetfurStar already. The she cat, who looked like a clone of Russetfur, got to work on the others as Ivyfluffypuffyfur sat her 'stupid' vigil.

Over In WindClan

"Shut up!" A mysterious white she-cat said. She had just arrived in the clan, "And just listen to mah. I'm Meaniestar. The new leader of the almighty PorkClan. My deputy will be my son, Whitepaw. She beckoned for a white apprentice with reddish brown eyes and a fluffy tail to join her. He obliged,

"I'll train him. Any questions?" Meaniestar snarled.

"Yes." Onestar called out. He had been the only one whose trance had been forgotten, "How can an apprentice be deputy?"

Meaniestar hissed, "Guards!" Two random cats fell from the sky, in silver armour, "Take this… traitor

to the special place!" The guards took Onestar away, and it turned out the special place was actually

McDonalds. Onestar ate all night and become fat. He went home and then decided to go on a diet.

END OF. JUST KIDDING. HERES THE AUTHORS NOTES, BROUGHT TO YOU BY EWWKIT.

"Hi! So guess what?"

'what?' I hear you say!

"Well… This is what! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

END OF THE CHAPTER NOW.


	3. Chapter 2- A Gatherly Gathering

Chapter Two- All cats gather to discuss how to gather in a gatherly fashion at a gatherly gathering where cats gather. *Fist Pump* Best name ever!

Over in HamClan ~~~~~~

Two twins poofed into existence, followed by a beautifully beautiful beaut black she-cat with crazy green eyes.

"HEYYYYYY!" Firestar said, "WHO YOU?"

"Hi." The beaut said simply. Suddenly the toms erupted into mayhem

"MAAARY MEEE!" Sootfork said, wiggling his eyebrows

"Nuh." Cloudtail said, "Marry meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Then Brightheart turned evil and killed Cloudtail and the new girl cat. They both magically reincarnated.

"SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETLE DOWN!" One of the twins shouted

"YES SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETLE DOWN!" The other chimed.

"Who are you?" Leafpoop asked, "AND HOLLYPAW CAN YOU PUH-LEASE JUST GO AWAY CUZ YOU'RE A RUBBISH MEDDIE!"

"GET AN APPRENTICE, YA BUM!" Yellowfang and Cinderpelt screamed from kitty heaven. Then Jaypaw ran along and way just like, "I DON'T WANNA BE A MEDDIE DON'T CHOOSE ME"

"Jaypaw, I think you're my next apprentice!" Leafpoop said

"CURSE YOU… YOU ABSOLUTE FOXDUNG POOPFACE I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I LIKE FISH. WAIT WHAT?" Jaypaw said

"Im Nightlight…" The smoky grey tom called.

"And im Lightnight" The smokier smoky grey she-cat said.

"We're twins." Nightlight said

"And two halves of a whole idiot." Lightnight said.

"We like to" Nightlight began

"Finish each other's sentences." Lightnight ended

"Because we are"

"Telepathic."

"And so is our friend"

"Ravenshadow, the beautifully beautiful…"

"Beaut!"

"OMG LIKE THANKS LIKE SO MUCH YOU ARE LIKE TOTES ADORBS!" Ravenshadow exploded into textspeak. Three toms fainted, and one jumped off a cliff before flying back up like a show off.

"Can we be"

"Warriors at HamClan."

"Because our old bestie"

"Awesomestar"

"Said we're welcome."

Awesomestar finally came down from his natural habitat, the HighDisco, "OH YES! MY BESTIEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

"Awesomestar." Uglyface said, "We need to pick the squad for the gathering."

"WUTS A GATHERING?" Ravenshadow asked. Another three toms fainted. The cliff dude got bored, and went up to the HighDisco, "DUDE YES! THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG!" He screeched.

"It's where all cats gather to discuss how to gather in a gatherly fashion at a gatherly gathering where cats gather." Sorrelspoon said. Sootfork was mooning over Ravenshadow, and Rainknife was randomly sat in a hole in the ground.

"Sounds Kewl. Wait BRB XD" Ravenshadow said, before disappearing to go to Tescos.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

All the toms wailed.

"Deal with it." Uglyface said. Ferncloud fainted from being stinked out by the ugly tom's breath.

"SOOOOOO." Firestar said, "Who's going to the gathering?"

"Hm." Awesomestar stroked his chin like Dumbledore or something, "I think a list is in order."

"YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY A LIST!" EVERY cat screamed in the entire world. Just kidding. That would just be weird.

"No." Ravenshadow said, "I think every cat should just go." It's not like any meat is better than ham!"

Than literally every tom in the clan screamed and started wrecking everything. After 2200000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years, the clan was a total mess.

Then Harry Potter came and said, " _Reparo_ " And it was all okay.

"K" Ravenshadow said, "Lets goooooooo!"

AT THE GATHERING*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So." SecondRussetFurStar said, "I am the new leader of GammonClan. My mate." She batted her eyelashes at Blackfoot, "Is my deputy. Littlecloud has a new apprentice, Poxpaw, named after Chicken Pox, and Ivypaw has become IvyPuffyFluffyTail"

"WELL THAT'S STUPID!" Meaniestar screamed, "Gammon is almost the same as ham!"

"who cares." SecondRussetFurStar said, "I don't."

"We mustn't forget the sacred truce!" Wisepaw, a new BeefClan apprentice said.

"Sacred Ook?" Bunnystar said, "Nobody said anything about Ook from Star Wars or whatever in my Job Description!"

"FORGET IT" Meaniestar spat, "PorkClan has I, Meaniestar, As their new leader. My deputy, Whitepaw, will be a warrior in three million seconds. Watch this space. And Barkface unfortunely died. So did Kestrelflight *cough COUGH COUGH It certainly was NOT me COUGH COUGH cough* So we have a new medicine cat, Slowleg. His apprentice is Fastpaw."

"Why are you called Slowleg?" Sorrelspoon asked.

"Because he's slow, Slowleg please demonstrate."

Slowleg got up. Three years later, he was standing up. Then he walked to the audience. Three hundred years later, he was there. Now every cat was very old. They all travelled back in time. Yayy. Then Fastpaw got up and ran around the world in 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds.

"Go on then." Tawnypelt said, "Run!"

"just did."

"You are such a" Lightnight started, "Liar!" Nightlight finished

Then Fastpaw ran around the world sixteen hundred times in 13 seconds.

"Did you have a nice stroll, lovey?" Ravenshadow asked.

Fastpaw scowled, "Shut up. I just ran around the world sixteen hundred times!"

"Sure mate. Carry on beliving that." Tigerstar suddenly reappeared and then died again.

"What news does BeefClan have?"

"News."

"What kind of news?"

"Newsy News!"

"What is the newsy news?"

"Well….." Bunnystar said, "I'm the new leader, And NoNameToBeHad is my deputy. Disgustingclaw retired to the elders den. NoNameToBeHad and I had three kits: Ewwkit, Ughkit and Yuckykit."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" Ewwkit still attempted to make his point.

"You shouldn't have said that." Leopardstar said.

"Ssssssssshhhhhh!" NoNameToBeHad said, "Im the deputy!"

Ughkit rolled her eyes, "Well THAT IS JUST SOOOO UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Yuckykit added, "ITS SO YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YUCK YUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

Ewwkit looked sad, "You guys never let me play. You're so EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"That'll be all from BeefClan." Bunnystar said cheerfully, "Arent they just so cute?"

"And from Hamclan?" Meaniestar was getting impatient.

"I'm the BEST LEADER EVER AND IM CALLED AWESOMESTAR." Awesomestar said, "My deputy is Uglyface!"

"Don't even think about it." Leopardstar said to Ewwkit, "We all know how 'eww' he is."

"Leafpool has renamed herself Leafpoop, and Jaypaw is currently underground questioning why he is alive because he's the meddie apprentice. Pray for him. Nightlight and Lightnight have joined our clan. As has Ravenshadow." Ravenshadow's crazy green eyes darted between all of the toms. They all loved her.

"Sorrelspoon, Rainknife and Sootfork have made a cutlery family. That will be all." Awesomestar said

AUTHORS NOTES

This time, Ewwkit couldn't do the authors notes because he felt ill after seeing Uglyface. Now, Leopardstar suffers from an ear infection. Ravenshadow is the OC given to me by Ravenshadow127, whom I think was a guest. Nightlight was given to me by WildChil13, who was also a guest. I paired Lightnight up with him. Hopefully this chappy was funny. I still accept OC requests. But PLEASE make them funny. Not just like

Name: Whiteblaze

He's a good warrior.

THIS STORY IS NOT ABOUT GOOD WARRIORS! Its about crazy, mad cats that do stupid stuff. Instead, have:

Name: $tickystick

A black tom with a terribly sense of humour. He'll do anything for catnip.

Get it? Yeah cool.

Anyway, I need KITS this time, as well as other cats.

Ferncloud is going to churn out more kits than a kit machine. I need AT LEAST 20 Before it becomes funny. So please send them in with the suffix –kit and make their names funny. No Blackkits. Have things like Idiotkit and Poshkit (who speaks like a posh person XD)

K? Thanks. Amber out!


	4. Chapter 3- Fast Feet Just Got Faster!

Chapter Three- The biscuit family, plus Fast feet just got faster!

"SO…." Pondered a ponderer

"Soooooooooo wat?" Ravenshadow asked to the pondering ponderer

"SO NUTHIN!" The ponderer stopped pondering and pondered about nuthin.

Then two million different toms burst in to save Ravenshadow from the ponderer.

After three milliseconds of pain, the toms all died.

"I AM BEAST!" The only tom left standing announced. Ravenshadow giggled, "Who is ya?"

"Hello, sweet Ravenshadow. I am the reincartnation of Barkface. My name? Barface. Will you be my mate?"

For the first time, the crazy black she-cat noticed Barface's incredibly flat face. He carried on bumping into things and grinning like an idiot, making his very wide face broaden even more. He was sooooo ugly. He was soooo pretty.

"YES!" Ravenshadow screamed, causing Leopardstar to actually go deaf in one ear, "OF COURSE I WILL. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE." The cat ran away, to the Moonpool for no apparent reason.

OVER IN GAMMONCLAN

"Blackstar and I have had some KITTTEHS!" SecondRussetFurStar announced.

"How many?" Tawnyplop asked (Tawnypelt had changed her name)

"Ten!" SecondRussetFurStar replied. Blackstar came and joined her.

A LIST IS IN ORDER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DA COOOOOOOKIE CLUB! By SecondRussetFurStar and Blackstar

Bourbonkit- a dark brown tomkit with dark brown eyes and a darker than dark brown tail. AND GUESS WHAT? He was ACTUALLY dark brown!

Custardcreamkit- a cream she-kit with green eyes and a white paw. Bourbonkit's twin sister

Chocochipkit- a brown tomkit with black spots like a choco chip cookie. He likes chocolate chips. And chocolate. And chips.

Raisinkit- A ginger tomkit tomkit with raisins for eyes and serious trust issues with old people

Shortbreadkit- a pale ginger she-kit. She's short and she likes bread.

Doubledoublechocolatekit- a black tomkit with two noses, two mouths, two tails, eight legs, eight paws and two eyes. He likes chocolate. Double chocolate- to be precise.

Oreokit- a black and white she-kit who everyone likes. She practically loves herself, and is always inventing new ways to make oreos. Hates her cheaper remakes.

Rainbowcookiekit- a rainbow coloured she-kit with rainbow coloured eyes and a rainbow coloured soul.

Mouldycookiekit- a grey tomkit with one green paw. Nobody likes him because he mouldy

Gingerbreadkit- a ginger kit who smells like ginger and has ginger eyes and lives in a gingerbread house and *inserts other gingerbread stuff*

DAT WOULD BE ALL~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"HI!" Rainbowcookiekit screamed at an elder. It turned out to be Snaketail. He lashed his tail like a snake. Totally not because im lazy and just took it from his name. Then Raisinkit came and screamed. This was why he didn't trust elders. They made his delight turn into an ugly raisin cookie.

"IM AMASHINGGGG!" Oreokit announced

"Im not amazing." Mouldycookiekit announced.

"I'm ACTUALLY dark brown!" Bourbonkit announced, before attempting to eat his twin sister, Custardcreamkit.

"AHHHHHHHHHH You 8 me!" said Custardcreamkit.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH You 7 me!" Shortbreadkit screamed, "Wait what?"

"WE NEED A BISCUIT BATTLE!" Chocolatechipkit yodelled. He didn't actually yodel, that would just be strange. Of course, this story isn't strange.

OVER IN PORKCLAN

Narrator: *cough* *cough* *COUGHY COUGH COUGH* *added sounds effects*

Over in PorkClan, Meaniestar was TOTALLY being nice and stuff.

"TO JAIL!" He screamed to Whitepaw, "WAIT NO DON'T GO TO JAIL CAUSE YOURE MY DEPUTY. SLOWLEG YOU GO JAIL INSTEAD! ACTUALLY NO, YOULL TAKE TWO YEARS. FASTPAW GO TO JAIL FOR THREE GAZILLION YEARS."

Two seconds later, Fastpaw returned.

Meaniestar launched into a huge sneezing fit.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Out of nowhere, Freakyfishfacekit poofed into existence.

"HEY! IM A FREAKYFISHFACE!"

"NO REALLY?" Another kit called Sarcasmkit poofed into existence.

"YES!" Freakyfishfacekit said.

Meaniestar fainted from amazement.

"Im sorry." Voiced a voice, "Meaniestar needs a little time out. Whitepaw will be leader in his absence."

"MWAHHH HA AHA AHA HAAAA!" Suddenly Whitepaw turned evil.

"Gasp!" Gasped everyone. And they actually gasped! Can you believe it?!

Whitepaw cackled, "Fastpaw has been accepted by… uh whats _left_ of StarClan. He is now known as Fasterthanfastfoot."

Fasterthanfastfoot jumped up and down and then ran around the world in 0000000000000000000000000000000.00000000000000000000000000002 seconds.

OVER IN BEEFCLAN(((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))

Ewwkit was having a particularly bad day.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

He wasn't allowed waffles for breakfast. Yuckykit and Ughkit were, but Ughkit was not happy with her waffles, "Ugh." She said, before doing whatever fussy people do in their spare time, which just so happened to be watching Im a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

Yuckykit was as content as Yucky can be.

"YUUUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY!" He screeched.

Ewwkit disagreed, "Yuckykit! You're sooooo EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" When he finished his speech, he started eating waffles. Problem Solved.

Over In Hamclan

"I think Uglyface needs a mate!" Awesomestar announced.

Everybody went into a screaming frenzy, heading towards the camp exit in an crazy attempt to escape being the ugly tom's mate. Uglyface ran around in a sob, and Barface ran around squishing into things just like Barface does. Even Ravenshadow was screaming.

"SHADDDAPPP! IM MARRYING BARFACE IN THREE MINUTES!" she screamed, showing off a part of squirrel's intestine that Barface had woven into an engagement ring (sorry if that's too gross for ya :D)

"We need a wedding!" Nightlight said.

"Right now." Lightnight added.

"AND I HAD ANOTHER KIT!" Ferncloud said.

All the clan: *facepaw*

"HE'S CALLED STUPIDKIT!" Dustpelt explained, "TOTALLY NOT BECAUSE HE IS ACTUALLY STUPID!"

Then Stupidkit came out of the nursery.

"Uh… Heyyyyyyy. Who you? Who me?" He struggled to say every single word.

"He's stupid!" Ravenshadow exclaimed, that means we are saner than him!"

Then every single cat pledged from that day onwards to be even less sane than the most insane cat ever.

AGAIN, OVER IN BEEFCLAN ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Ugh.." Ughkit said whilst watching someone eat bugs on the tv.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" Ewwkit added helpfully.

"YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY YUCKY!" Yuckykit added.

Then NoNameToBeHad, their mother, came marching in.

"Children!" She tutted, "You shouldn't be watching such 'eww' stuff. Including you, Ewwkit!"

But then, magically, their granddad Disgustingclaw came back to life, and spoke a prophecy.

 _"_ _In a jungle, somebody will finally taste the rainbow."_

"Its about Skittles! And Im A Celeb!" NoNameToBeHad shouted, "WE NEED TO HOLD A REALITY TV SHOW!"

 **Authors Notes**

 **Ewwkit was too immersed in TV to help me today. I am holding a kitty version of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here in the next few chappys. After Ravenshadow and Barface get married. On my profile, you'll find a poll on who should be the host. From then onwards, there will be polls asking which kitty should be voted out. Thanks 3**


End file.
